Every Monday at Hank’s Lutheran preschool, the children meet in the sanctuary for chapel with the pastor of the church. Every week I cringe during the question and answer period because I know Hank will eagerly raise his hand to give a response completely unrelated to the topic. An example would be:
Pastor: What do you do to help your parents around the house?
Hank: I like garbage trucks.
Most of his answers are benign and he hasn’t told the congregation that we bite the heads off of live bats or anything, but I just never know what will come out of the kid’s mouth.
Every week the pastor passes out trading cards of the biblical figure that will be discussed at chapel. I don’t know what the other kids do with theirs, but I have at least a dozen floating around the floorboards of my car and the rest scattered in random places in my house. I don’t particularly want them and Hank isn’t all that interested either. While I’m not exactly religious, it somehow feels wrong to recycle or step on Moses, Abraham, and baby Jesus.
This weeks lesson was Isaiah.
Along with the nice little bible story explaining Isaiah the Prophet in preschool language, the pastor has an open dialogue with the children. To wrap it up, he calls for questions and comments. Of course, my dear boy raises his hand.
Hank: Why is that fairy picking Jesus’ nose?
Hank sounds like a real firecracker! I like him already…hang in there. My daughter went to a religious school for awhile until we saw the light. Sorry, couldn’t resist!
Ha! I love the school actually. Thankfully they are very kind to my kid despite having me for a mother
Bahahaha this was priceless!!!
Future art critic in the making?
I can’t wait for that. I hope he will always tell it like he sees it…. When he’s with his dad.
Well now, that sounds like a damn good question to me…why is the fairy picking his nose?
He never did get a straight answer out of the pastor
She’s a snot fairy?
Remind me not to say that out loud in front of him.
I like Hank! Logical question. That fairy is clearly a nose-picker. (Separately, and unrelated to your post but related to nose picking and so I’m gonna tell it anyway: I saw a grown man in his car yesterday picking away. And then into the mouth that finger went. Repeatedly. As repulsed as I was, I couldn’t look away. I wanted him to look up so badly so that I could make the ew, nasty nose picker eater face but he never did. You’re welcome).
I’m so glad I read this after dinner and before I went to get a bowl of ice cream. So thank you. I totally mean it. Gross. (Please don’t let that be Hank when he grows up!)
I FREAKING LOVE HANK! LOVE THAT BOY!!
You have to keep a running record of shit he says and give it it’s own page. Just so we could randomly scroll through it.
I’m telling you…that little dude is the bomb!
Only so that I can remember it if, by chance, he grows up perfectly normal.
Hahahahah I hate when those pesky fairies pick Jesus’s nose. As a twenty-something former nanny, comments like this make me actually look forward to giving up my single life freedom…in about ten years!
Great blog.
My sister was a nanny for 10 years after high school. She said it was the best birth control
I would totally go to preschool with Hank. WHY IS SHE PICKING HIS NOSE? DOES HE NOT HAVE TISSUES?
Ha! Good you could hand tissues to Hank because he likes to pick his own nose and wipe it on Jesus.
Hank is my hero.
Did the pastor have a response?
Yeah, why IS that fairy picking Jesus’ nose? And it looks like Isaiah is laying on a massage table, so he should probably be on his stomach if the fairy is going to give him a back rub.
I think Hank would have really liked your explanation.
Omg, I love it!!!! That is an excellent question!!!
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Seriously, how can I comment? What can I possibly say that would be funnier than Hank? He’s going places, that Hank.
As long as it’s not ringing the bell at the Salvation Army, I’m cool.
Also this:
“If God Loved Isaiah, why would he spell his name like that?”
I mean seriously. I’ve always wondered about the extra letters.
(I need to go to school with Hank.)
You are so damn funny.
Poppy? I love your little boy.
Awww, thanks John. I’m just going to appreciate him while it’s still kind of cute. In a year or two, there might be problems
Well, it does kind of look like that.
I often worry about what my kids will say outside the private area that is our home, especially given what they say there.
It totally does, but I couldn’t see the card from the pews. So I really thought it was out of left field when he said it!
That’s exactly what it looks like, and this made me laugh out loud!
We must never get Ethan and Hank together in public.
They can get together in public. With their dads
You are still ruler of the funniest bitches I know! I just read this post to my daughter (12 year old who loves little kids…don’t know where she gets that from) and she laughed out loud. Can I borrow Hank? The reason I don’t blog as much is because my family has banned me from talking about them. Apparently they get “embarrassed” when I share stories of the boys spanking the monkey in the shower. Whatever.
Say it ain’t so! Noooooo. I’m so sad. Just write about them In the Powder Room
I think that the fairy is giving him a Dirty Sanchez…what?
And I thought “I like garbage trucks” was funny! I loved this post. He takes the preschool non sequitur to a whole new level!
Hee! I LOVE Hank! Love!
He should be an intern on The Daily Show.
LOVE the nose-picking one! So funny!
Hank sounds awesome! My kid’s preschool teachers would have died laughing…
I heart Hank. That is all.
(Hee!)
Hahaha! I love it when kids do that. As a kindergarten teacher I’m an expert at keeping a straight face when being given responses like that. But it always cracks me up!
I have to wonder the same thing. What an AWESOME question. Kids are hilarious (when it isn’t my kid asking that)