Google Analytics are Scary
Update: 3/14/2013 Even after posting this originally in January of 2012, I still didn’t know what the hell I was doing with Google Analytics and SEO. FINALLY, I found someone who could explain it to me so I could understand it.
Vanita Cyril of The Strategic Mama knows her stuff. I took her Google Luv Course and I am revamping my whole blog with what she has taught me. If you need SEO help for you blog, she is your girl.
I have seen blog posts before hi-lighting some of the stranger phrases entered in Master Google to get to their blogs. Usually they were off the cuff, but at least a little funny. I have to admit that in nearly two years of blogging I didn’t know how to find the information. A part of me would like to go back to not knowing because it freaks me out to think of all these sickos landing on the pages I think responsible for most of the hits.
Though I have used all of those words separately, only a few were used as phrases. A very high percentage clicked off immediately as I can imagine my content isn’t spank bank worthy. I am grateful to Liz Jostes at Eli Rose* for teaching me how to choose the keywords to submit to search engines so I never have to look at a list like this again:
Do you feel like taking a shower after reading those? Me too.
*Just info, since the words are in an image they’re not searchable so I’m not ending up with a bigger problem through this post. Right, Liz?
Poppy
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Wow.
Though I do need to apologize. The naked spring break one was me.
I would have put my money on hairiest vagina.
Oh no!
Just, oh no!
{And yeah, maybe a shower}
GAAAAAH!
I just realized you’re no longer doing the linky, today as I prepared my post to link up. Then I went back and looked to see when you stopped doing it and realized it was in october. Observant I am not. Oh well.
But you’ll lose your popularity! lol
No kidding, my blog traffic will probably hit the skids!
This made me laugh out loud (which is ok, cause I am home and only my dog looked at me funny). I hope the guy who searched for ‘my big dick’ was not disappointed but somehow I sense that he was…
I don’t think he was expecting an Elf on the Shelf named, “Dick” And if he was? He’s sicker than we thought.
I am taking a shower, and I’m taking my not the hairiest vagina with me!
Sorry, it’s just sick how many of these refer to children isn’t it?
That made me laugh. Yes, I don’t care about the other stuff – it’s the kid references that bug me so much. What freaks.
Yikes!
But interesting how dick, vagina and cupcake are equally popular.
Thankfully Liz gave me a crash course in SEO 101! I hope I get some hits for stuff I actually write about. Cupcake? Ha!
But where will I next end up when I click “I’m Feeling Lucky” when I search for “My big dick with a volleyball booty and a big cupcake?”
How did everyone else find this blog?
I’m not sure, but I hope it has a webcam for your enjoyment. I am a little naughty, but never expected this. Must be the comments you and Mad Woman leave!
DRY JANUARY?!?
Some people are just sick.
Hahahha! I actually did that last year. I made it until the 26th (My anniversary). I needed to celebrate that day at the same level of inebriation in which I said my vows.
This year I made it until the 7th….
Super scary. I need to learn how to submit the word to google.
I just ignored it. I wasn’t all that motivated to try and find words to get random people to find my blog, but now I see I want some random people to stay the hell away!
This makes me glad I don’t know anything about managing a blog.
You are the younger and cuter version of me. You need to get off your half ass and figure it out. Seriously, I wish I would have bothered.
Shower, uh, yes please.
Oh my.
People find you in the most disgusting ways.
My only thought is that they have to click off right away. I do have an extremely high bounce rate.
But do we get to take that shower WITH you? Please say yes!?!?!?
See, its always about sex with me.
Also, I clearly need to write about more interesting stuff.
I am convinced your comments have attracted half of these nut jobs. I’d like to see your list, they have to be worse than mine!
I do have to say that whoever was searching for ummm…well you know..was probably really disappointed.
I hope that they’re ashamed of themselves.
But I do wonder if they can find your blog by the comments…
Like if I said vagina, twat waffle and cock and balls, can they find you?
This internet is scary business sometimes.
Vagina lips.
You are so fucking funny.
Yeah, you got a whole lotta naked stuff brewing around this place.
And I have boobs brewing around mine.
I wish I would have thought to look before last week. My own stupid fault. I had a post actually titled “The Bush” – oops.
UGH, how awful are those people doing those searches are creepy!
but I totally laughing at the comments, especially the Vagina lips
Now that you and Kim have said it twice in the comments if that comes up the next time I search……
(which will prob be in 6 months knowing me!)
Definitely feeling icky. And will go take that shower now. I’m totally scared to look mine up!
This is all kinds of disturbing and wrong. Fortunately, mine are all pretty boring. Mostly involve the concepts “kids and animals” or “families at the zoo.”