Our Funny Elf Name
I like Dick.
After fighting the Elf on the Shelf craze for several years, our family was forced into compliance when my sister sent ours in the mail. As elf lore dictates, the first order of business was finding the perfect funny elf name. While I really didn’t have a preference because I was still annoyed with my sister for adding what essentially seemed to me like tooth fairy duty for a month to my already busy holiday schedule, I became infinitely more interested when my kids finally decided on the perfect name.
It took a lot of coaxing to get my kids interested in this elf in the first place. I had to read the accompanying story to Hank several times before he would get within 15 feet. The kids were not convinced that this tiny elf with crazy clown eyes wasn’t something to fear.
When they revealed the name, I almost welled up with tears:
Now I know a lot of dicks, I’ve seen a few dicks, and I have a dead Uncle Dick. With the exception of our mute, creepy elf, I don’t currently know anyone named Dick. After asking several questions to make sure my children didn’t know, see, or hear Dick/dick either, I approved the name.
Sure it’s juvenile, but I laughed when Hank woke me up the first morning by bursting into our bedroom and shouting, “my Dick really is magic!”
Like a lot of Dicks, our little Dick became interesting in 0 to 60.
I can just imagine the arguments, “I want Dick” “No, I want Dick.”
And the looks on the faces of unsuspecting grandparents, teachers, and complete strangers when my children declare, “I like Dick!”
I think we are going to have a December full of love, laughter, and a whole lot of Dick. Suddenly our funny elf name has given me a whole new outlook on the Elf on the Shelf tradition even if my favorite part will be putting him away on Christmas Eve. A Dick we only play with once a year sounds great to me.
I think I like Dick too.
Poppy
Latest posts by Poppy (see all)
- Don’t Drown During Your First Triathlon: 10 Open Water Swimming Tips - May 15, 2013
- Scarlet Fever is Contagious I Hear - May 13, 2013
- Why Motorcycles Suck for Date Nights - May 8, 2013
This is freaking hilarious! I would pay to see the look on someone's face when one of your kids shouts out, "I like Dick!" Your kids are hilariously awesome.
OMG, that is awesome! Another good one will be when your kids are fighting over him, and one of them yells, "Mom, he's not sharing Dick!"
I love this concept, by the way!
Oh my word. THat is the best name ever!
As I read this, all I can think about is the Schweaty Balls skit from SNL.
Enjoy your lots of Dick!
I can already hear the arguments:
MOM! SOPHIE PUT DICK IN HER MOUTH!!!
Also, I thought there would be a d*ck in the box when I read the title and saw that you received a "package" from your sister
Holy hell.
Do you know how many perverts you're going to attract to your site?
I'm one of them…(heavy breathing in the background)
Sisters who send Dick are the best sisters ever.
Welcome to the world, Dick Marler. And so the legend begins…
"We welcomed our elf by choosing the name DICK."
Oh, how I want to show up on your doorstep so the Marlers can welcome me by calling me BITCH.
And the like.
p.s. I love you. But NOT Elf on a Shelf. Month-long Tooth Fairy duty? No dick is that magical.
I was curious about this elf shelf business, but I'm with Maren, he's kinda creepy. And remembering every night…. I don't think I can keep up.
only you could figure out a way to incorporate the word dick 17 times and make me laugh about it the whole time.
Yes, I counted.
OMG that is hilarious! And so awesome…. Seriously LOVE it!
Only you could make dick that magical. You certainly have a talent.
BTW, the DH wanted to name The Dude Dickie. Oh the blog fodder I gave up to save my son's psyche.
Only your kids would name their elf Dick. Such cool offspring you have. And think, when they see other families with an elf on a shelf, they'll proclaim, "You have a Dick, too!" And perhaps, "One morning Dick was in our cereal box." Or, "Did you know Dick can stand up?" And so on. Maybe you could get another one and name him Colonel Angus. From the deep south.
Seriously best elf name ever. My kid named ours "Chink" when he was three. We didn't write that in the book. He decided on Joe the next year. Wicked boring.
So. On the nights you forget to move him (cuz you will forget) and the kids call you put on it, tell them they were probably naughty the day before & Dick was giving them a mulligan.
Oh my god Poppy one of Joe's best friend's name is Dick. Actually-Dickie Joe (he's from Kansas) drunk Joe and drunk Brian (bff#2) LOVE to yell, "Where's my Dick? Have you seen my Dick?" Etc. Oy.
This made me totally laugh. Reposting when I get home.
Laughing. So. Hard. "My Dick is magic." I could've come up with SOOO many responses, none kid-appropriate.
It's going to be a great holiday at your house!
hilarious….but you knew that!
That's pretty funny. I'm not a fan of creepy little dolls but I would totally get one if I could name it Dick. Kinda like how I'd never have cats unless I could name them Cock and Balls.
I have no words for the genius that is this post.
{Ohmygooodness you;re hilarious!}
Ahem. Just that.
xo
This is hilarious. We are plagued by Woody from Toy Story, we even have a stuffed Woody they call "Wiggly Woody."
Ha! A dick you only have to play with once a year! HA! Great post!
Freaking hilarious! "Mom! The dog has Dick in his mouth again!" I bow down to your blog. Love it.
Couldn't you go for Richard at least, Christ…
I was actually going to tweet today, "The only redeeming quality I have left is that I don't know what an Elf on a Shelf is."
BLOWN NOW BECAUSE OF YOU.
Why do I not come here more often. This is the first post that has actually legitimately made me laugh out loud, like a dick. Ahem.
Please remind me to come here more often. Thank you. Now go move your Dick.
Yep, I like Dick too!
I just bought Elf on a Shelf this week! Our Elf's name is Fred. I wish I wouldn've thought of Dick instead because that? Is priceless!
Freaking hilarious! I love your family!
Please come by tomorrow and enter that' dick photo in my #elfitup photo contest …it's launching tomorrow
This is hilarious! It's the 2nd Elf post today that has made me laugh out loud, literally.
I thought this post was going to be about that spotted dick shit that comes in cans. This is so much better. If Craig ever leaves you I'm moving in.
I think I love you. This is awesome.
I think I love you. This is awesome.
Love it! I like Dick too.
Dude…your Elf's name is WAY better than ours. Sadie named ours Mr. Mango. WTF?
Typically I like to avoid dick. It gets me into trouble. However, Dick seems charming.
There is always duct tape to keep Dick out of trouble! I read that post last night of yours and didn't get a chance to comment – it cracked me up!
That is so awesome! I laughed like crazy when I read this. I might have to have an elf named Dick just so that I can talk about how much I love Dick all the time, especially in front of my in-laws. Hee Hee, that would be so great! Maybe we would even get our inheritance early… just kidding, sort of.
Oh, this made me laugh.
I picture the boy, as you're out with friends, making some crafty thing and announcing to the host that he's going to go home and show it to his dick.
And you, just sitting there, nodding.
BAHAHAHAHA! I love the Elf and think he's really helpful. But you just added a whole new level of funny to it.
Oh, SWEET MOTHER! I can not breathe!
I had only heard of that elf stuff…but had no clue. I don't have kids, so that explains it.
THAT IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT I HAVE READ IN AGES!
I am SO gonna find me something like that and name it Dick. And I'm bringing him to the office. And I'm gonna have Dick at the office.
YOU are brilliant!
Wait. It was the kids. Your KIDS are brilliant!
That's pretty awesome. I have an "I heart Dick" t-shirt that you can borrow… knowing me, people are assuming it's the worst, but they'd be wrong!! It's for the performer Richard Cheese… aka. Dick.
Yay! I love Dick too!
I like your kind of dick.
The dick that only comes around once a year, is mute, and moves quietly around the house.. but only when I'm sleeping.
Yes, we can definitely keep this Dick around. Stored safely in the attic for 11 months out of the year!
That is awesome. I have to get one of those. I think I may have to put that on the front of our family Christmas card this year. Thanks for the idea!
Can you believe my husband tried to talk them into naming him Richard? That would have been no fun at all.
I was just thinking it was going to be one more thing on my "shit to do" list. And now, I just love Dick.
This Dick is getting more attention than any other in my life. Past or present.
Oh, that made me laugh. I love my in laws, but they have no sense of humor! I might see how it goes over anyway
I am so pleased at all of the people not ashamed to admit they like a little Dick!