Disney Princesses at Disneyland Dug Hank

Hank is a Ladies Man

I never pegged his dad for being a player either.  Craig always seemed available for those late night booty calls, so it surprised me to find out I wasn’t the only show in town.  I must have at least had priority seating. On our recent trip to Disneyland, Hank showed signs of following in his father’s unassuming footsteps. Even the Disney Princesses at Disneyland didn’t escape Hank’s charms.

I’m afraid I have a little Bieber on my hands.  He’s just tone deaf and probably weighs a little more.

How I draw this conclusion is objective, not oedipal. Hank’s behavior during our vacation to sunny Southern California. He bagged two princesses, serenaded a much younger woman, and gave me a golden shower.

Singing to a Little Lady – Like he Was a Tramp

When we were waiting in line for our rental car, a forward little girl in Suri Cruise kitten heels put the moves on him.  He played hard to get.  She sashayed her little self over to the tourist brochures and picked herself out the map to Mickey D’s and handed it to Hank.  Hank does not frequent the golden arches so his sister had to tell him it was for Mcdondalds.  He then proceeded to steal her heart by belting out “Old Macdonald had a Farm.” Glee style.  Then she kept following him after that prompting him to tell her, “you’re not that special.”

Disney Princesses

Next, we waited in line for days at the Princess Laire to do a meet and greet with the Disney Princesses at Maren’s request.  Hank was along for the ride and one of only a few boys stuck in the line with their sisters.  As a parent of a 6 year old girl, I highly recommend this attraction.  The line is long, but the princesses give each child individual attention which makes for a very special experience.  Hank seemed disinterested, but turned on the charm once inside.  I’m pretty sure he got to 2nd base with Arial and was in the middle of a Belle and Tiana sandwich.

disney-princesses-at-disneyland

 

disneyland

I had to include this picture of Hank, Maren, and Arial because the kid is actually giving a thumbs up without any prompting. This, my friends, is very very scary.

The Golden Shower

It has been well documented within this blog, that Hank still wears GoodNites at night.  What I have never praised him for in this space is that he has never had an accident during the day since he has been potty trained.  Until, of course, our trip to Disneyland in which he wet his pants twice.  You would think I would, after the first accident, pack a change of clothes with us during the day in case it happened again, but I did not.  So I guess some of Hank’s superior IQ could come from me.

Prior to his second accident, he told me he had to use the bathroom.  Not knowing where the closest restroom was exactly, I picked him up thinking I would run there quickly.  He then told me he didn’t have to go anymore.  This didn’t really make sense to me until I felt my side warm and wet. I realized that he no longer had to go because he already went.

I don’t want to be the kind of mother in law that  Hank’s future spouse hates, but I think I may be. If he keeps up with his Mac Daddy ways, he may trick someone eventually.  Yesterday alone, I caught him sucking the water out of the kitchen sponge, eating lotion from the container, and wearing his sister’s underwear proudly.  Oh, and he is a complete Mama’s Boy.  So if he finds himself a woman or life partner willing to devote themselves to him, I may become very protective and try to figure out what’s in it for them.  Shower anyone?

disneyland-princess-trip

 

 

Poppy

Poppy is a runner, writer, and mother of 3 children ranging in ages from 5 to 14. By day she's shuttling teenagers to the mall or someone to a birthday party in between Costco trips. She may not have had a pedicure in 5 years, but she still makes time for moms night out, girls nights in, or local PDX events with good friends. Recovery from fun nights out include a healthy lifestyle of marathon training, triathlon training, and lean eating. Parenthood can be messy, but Poppy always manages to find the funny under the snot.

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30 Responses to Disney Princesses at Disneyland Dug Hank
  1. Thypolar
    May 3, 2011 | 2:02 pm

    LMAO! this was hilarious :)

  2. Allyson
    May 3, 2011 | 3:24 pm

    You slay me. No really, you just do. The way you tell these stories, AAACK! I will have to agree with you on the whole "pee on eachother" thing. People are such freakshows, it's just bizarre! Anyway, thanks for the laugh.

  3. Lindyez
    May 3, 2011 | 3:40 pm

    Disneyland with 3 kids – about a gazillion dollars
    Another great voyage into the life of Poppy and family…priceless…
    You are a brave woman…

  4. Tracym
    May 4, 2011 | 4:16 am

    Seriously, the best Disneyland trip report ever.

  5. Jessica
    May 4, 2011 | 4:25 am

    This is hilarious, best Disneyland memories I've ever heard. And truly? I didn't think there was ANYONE out there like my son. I have plenty of pics of him in his sister's underwear and just today I posted a pic of him licking yogurt off our table. I'm so proud.

  6. Mrs. Jen B
    May 4, 2011 | 6:20 am

    What a total playa you're raising. I'm telling you, it's the boys who act like they don't care who get all the chicks. My brother's like that and you would literally think he's the hottest thing going, what with all the little 16 year old sluts who wear too much makeup and not enough clothes who hang all over him.

    Clearly I have strong feelings about this.

    When I have a little girl I'm totally going to take her to Bibbity Bobbity Boutique so she can get all princessified – do they have those at Disneyland?

  7. Poppy
    May 4, 2011 | 6:54 am

    Yes, they have the Bibbity Bobbity Botiques on steroids that you walk through right after the Princess Laire in which Princesses can have their hair and make-up done after you pick out a dress, shoes, and tiara.

       
    Poppy Marler | Blogger 

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  8. Poppy
    May 4, 2011 | 7:08 am

    Let's just hope they still love us when they grow up and read our blogs!

       
    Poppy Marler | Blogger 

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  9. Poppy
    May 4, 2011 | 7:16 am

    Thanks.  We had a great time, but so glad to be home.  Taking 3 kids of different genders/age was rough, I need a vacation from my vacation.

       
    Poppy Marler | Blogger 

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  10. Poppy
    May 4, 2011 | 7:19 am

    I've done my duty and they have all gone.  I never have to go again.

       
    Poppy Marler | Blogger 

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  11. Poppy
    May 4, 2011 | 7:22 am

    Thanks Allyson.  Ya, I don't get the golden shower thing.  It's disgusting.  What I didn't mention is that Craig didn't want to go back to the hotel after I got pissed on.  He wanted me to just take my sweatshirt off & let my shirt dry.  Um, gross and no way was I walking around with urine on me all day.  From that point on we brought a change of clothes for him and took him to the bathroom every 20 minutes.  Really, the kid has never had an accident before during the day.  I guess he was just really excited.

       
    Poppy Marler | Blogger 

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  12. Poppy
    May 4, 2011 | 7:31 am

    Thanks, I'm only mostly joking.

       
    Poppy Marler | Blogger 

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  13. sparkling74
    May 4, 2011 | 9:34 am

    i am dying. soooooo funny. but,umm sucking on the sponge? not so ok. THAT's what grosses me out in this story!!

  14. Megan -Best of Fates
    May 4, 2011 | 10:23 am

    Hey, you know those fetishists… they start young.

  15. John
    May 4, 2011 | 10:49 am

    Oh, this is downright hilarious. It's important to let him know that his fetishes are completely normal, because if he tries to repress his love of the freaky-deeky, he'll end up looking for the even weirder stuff. Though? I don't think it gets much weirder than the people who excrete bodily fluids on one another. Ewww.

    This had me laughing, heartily. Thank you.

  16. liz
    May 4, 2011 | 11:11 am

    Wow, women's underwear? He's going to make some lady really happy someday.

    Is it just me, or was Ariel an Asian?

  17. KLZ
    May 4, 2011 | 11:38 am

    I have to fight Alex not to drink his own bath water. Kids.

  18. Shell
    May 4, 2011 | 11:50 am

    Hilarious!

    You have your hands full.

    Um, said in a nice way- coming from someone who hears that ALL THE TIME.

    So, don't hate me for saying it. ;)

  19. twinisms
    May 4, 2011 | 11:55 am

    This is awesome. I married a mama's boy. His sister and I just call him "Prince Dallas" She defends him even when he admits he is being an ass. Sometimes it makes me want to punch her…so practice your blocking moves!

  20. julie gardner
    May 4, 2011 | 12:31 pm

    Oh Holy Hell. I think I'm in love.

    The boy pees himself twice, sports a Mom tattoo and tells would-be lovers, "You're not that special."

    Does he have plans for Valentine's Day? Because I'm free.

  21. Bethany
    May 4, 2011 | 1:40 pm

    Love this post. Your life is so much fun to read about. :)

  22. Suniverse
    May 4, 2011 | 1:46 pm

    I heart Hank, but I'm already married, so you won't be my mother-in-law.

    Which is kind of a bummer.

  23. The Flying Chalupa
    May 4, 2011 | 4:17 pm

    Dude, Belle was totally putting him in a love embrace – look at that. Amazing! Hank put the Disney ladies under a spell. And you under some pee. Good times. Starting potty training this summer. God help me.

  24. Kimberly
    May 4, 2011 | 6:59 pm

    I want to take Hank and my son and put them in a padded room together. We may or may not need to supply them with helmets.

  25. Ninja Mom
    May 4, 2011 | 7:09 pm

    We should get my son and your son together. It's likely illegal in most states and certain to cost us thousands in damage/ER visits. But the pics, oh the pics.

    We are thinking of taking our 4 (currently: oldest girl is 6, 3yo twin girls, and the 2yo boy wonder) to Disney. I gather I'll need hooch?

  26. Craig
    May 4, 2011 | 7:26 pm

    Wow, Poppy just told me your son is 23? I hope Hank grows out of some of these characteristics!

  27. Craig
    May 4, 2011 | 7:28 pm

    And you think it's the sponge from the sink! EWwwwww

  28. Natalie
    May 5, 2011 | 8:29 am

    I think Hank and Tater would get along really, really well. Both of them are gonna make two girls real happy someday. Sigh.

  29. Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
    May 11, 2011 | 5:19 am

    I WOULD DIE if Hank told me I wasn't that special.

    soaked in pee too much here, too. Gross.

  30. Pop
    May 11, 2011 | 9:33 am

    #poorhank I'm 99% sure that if he ever tries to get with a lady, you'll just happen to be there and just happen to have that picture of Hank wearing his sister's underwear.

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